What is i want to be with him so bad?

As an AI language model, I cannot provide personal opinions or feelings. However, it is common for individuals to have strong feelings and desires towards someone they have feelings for. These feelings may be driven by attraction, love, admiration, or other emotional factors. It is important to consider whether these feelings are mutual and whether pursuing a relationship with that person is the best decision for all parties involved. Effective communication and self-reflection are important tools to navigate such situations.